


let me feel your love

by KayNight



Series: never stopped loving you [3]
Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Comfort No Hurt, Fluff, Fluff and Smut, Friendship, Hand Jobs, Introspection, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Public Display of Affection, Recovery, Romance, Semi-Public Sex, Smut, Sort Of, Touch-Starved
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-04
Updated: 2019-10-04
Packaged: 2020-12-01 20:09:31
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,466
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20885180
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KayNight/pseuds/KayNight
Summary: Their nights did not often end like this, with Felix pinned up against a courtyard wall, legs wrapped around Dimitri’s waist, shirt untucked and collar loosened to bare a string of bruises.The physical aspect of their relationship was kept behind locked doors, not out of shame, but rather the preference of privacy and intimacy. It was still a fragile thing, and any boldness on either of their parts seemed to threatened the balance they had obtained. Felix was terribly private with his affections, and Dimitri still felt terribly undeserving of them.But things had been changing recently, quietly but surely.It was, in fact, intentional on Felix’s part.





	let me feel your love

Their nights did not often end like this, with Felix pinned up against a courtyard wall, legs wrapped around Dimitri’s waist, shirt untucked and collar loosened to bare a string of bruises. 

The physical aspect of their relationship was kept behind locked doors, not out of shame, but rather the preference of privacy and intimacy. It was still a fragile thing, and any boldness on either of their parts seemed to threatened the balance they had obtained. Felix was terribly private with his affections, and Dimitri still felt terribly undeserving of them. 

But things had been changing recently, quietly but surely. 

It was, in fact, intentional on Felix’s part. 

Now months into their relationship, Felix had started to pick up on the hesitancy in Dimitri’s touches. Although he was no fan of public displays of affection, Felix, and he could admit this to himself now, desperately wanted Dimitri to know _how much_ he was loved. 

It had started out as a fear really, that Felix had lost his chance, that any lingering bitterness and history of their relationship had stolen any possibility of Felix properly expressing his affection. But as they navigated each obstacle in their path, handling some better than others, Felix realized that any feeling of fear had been eclipse by desire. 

He was no longer afraid that Dimitri would not know the depth of his affections, but rather he wanted to be sure that he knew. 

It started out simply, letting his hand rest on Dimitri’s shoulder in meetings, clasping his hand on their walks, giving into the urge to brush Dimitri’s hair out of his eyes. Trading a pat on the shoulder after a good spar for a quick kiss to the temple or the cheek, just a simple brush of his lips. 

Felix was entirely unprepared for the reaction he received. At first Dimitri was startled, doing a poor job of hiding his jolt of surprise at a touch he wasn’t expecting. Felix almost regretted his actions at first - but Dimitri’s eye, wide from surprise, would soon soften in quiet pleasure and one of those beautiful, wobbly smiles would tug at his lips. Felix became addicted.

After repressing his own desires for so long - the fear of rejection, loss, the overwhelming terror that he would lose Dimitri, again, just as he had lost everyone else if he let himself be soft, be weak - it was incredibly difficult to change, and once he did began to give into his sweeter urges, it was incredibly difficult to stop. Especially not with the way Dimitri responded.

Felix grew bolder in the past week - culminating in greeting Dimitri with a kiss in front of their friends that morning. They had been standing in a cluster, awaiting the commencement of the council meeting, chatting idly. Felix joined them last, having been held up by a briefing on the security of the former Alliance territories. When he approached the motley crew, his family really, he was overcome by a sense of surreality.

So much had changed in the past few years, and every now and then the transformation hit him like a ton of bricks. His eyes drifted over Mercedes and Annette’s tag-teaming Ingrid’s hair, Ashe clinging to Dedue’s side without a space between them, the Professor’s content smile, Sylvain’s boisterous bright grin and settled on Dimitri’s profile. 

Dimitri as a child was beautiful, as a youth he was handsome - but now... now he was nothing short of _ devastating _. His hair was still slightly mussed with sleep and he hid a jaw creaking yawn behind one huge hand as he nodded along with something Annette said. Felix caught a flash of sharp teeth and the flutter of soft lashes over one bright eye, and felt emotion rise in his throat. 

Without hesitation and only a polite nod shot in the Professor’s direction, Felix crowded in Dimitri’s space - taking a quick moment to bask in the surprise that flashed across his face - and gently tugged him down for a firm kiss, brushing his hand gently through the taller man’s hair, settling it into its proper place. 

“Good morning,” Felix said simply, smiling quietly up at Dimitri - who well, quite frankly, looked like he was about to burst into tears. The vulnerability in Dimitri’s expression made heat rise in Felix’s cheeks and suddenly everything seemed just a little too much, this moment a little too out of his depth. 

After a moment of surprised silence, the group quietly resumed their chatter - the conversation idle but definitely with a more frenetic edge to it, the excitement and amusement palpable. Felix and Dimitri had not looked away from each other for that long moment, but upon the resumption of the conversation, Dimitri broke into a huge smile and let out a slightly hysterical laugh. Not one of the terrifying ones of the dark years, no, but like the wild ones of their younger days when Felix or one of the other children did something absurd enough to make Dimitri give up on any princely pretensions - or before he had even tried to maintain them. It was surprise and affection and amusement all bundled into one very undignified noise and Felix _absolutely fucking loved it_. 

He had no time to process the return of this piece of Dimitri before the taller man was tugging him to his side, draping one arm over Felix’s shoulders and resting his chin atop the shorter man’s head. 

Felix made an undignified noise of his own, but didn’t protest. If he was going to do this, he’d do it right. So he settled into Dimitri’s side with only mild huffing, basking in the other man’s warmth and staunchly ignoring the overly pleased grin of Sylvain and Mercedes’ too soft, too knowing smile. 

The embarrassment was worth the happiness he could feel radiating off of Dimitri, worth that laugh and the relaxation and peace he could feel in the gentle rise and fall of his lover’s chest. Dimitri was alive and happy. That was worth the world as far as Felix was concerned. 

* * *

Since Dimitri began his long journey of recovery, there have been a handful of things that have made him desperately grateful to be alive and lucid. 

These are moments in which every fiber of his being is alight, every sensation heightened, and his mind is at peace - quiet and his own. He simply gets to be grateful he is alive and enjoy what he once either would have neglected out of fear or never would have imagined the privilege of experiencing. 

Swooping Annette up into his arms on the battlefield without leaving a bruise on her skin, her look of terror at an incoming arrow changed into a gasp of delight, a laugh startled past her lips and genuine _relief_ at being in his presence. Catching a glimpse of a private moment between Dedue and Ashe, the look on Dedue’s face of pure contentment and pleasure as Dimitri had rarely seen before. Seeing Sylvain make Ingrid laugh as she had when she was a child, and Sylvain’s genuine joy at eliciting such a sound. Mercedes and the Professor sharing tea, crumbs settled on their cheeks and the sound of gentle laughter over the clinking of china. These are such moments that he cherishes so dearly, and that he could have never hoped to enjoy in the time before. 

This is such a moment. 

Maybe for a different man it would be base or obscene to cherish such a thing, the moment a lover reaches the height of their pleasure, but for Dimitri he cannot bring himself to view bringing pleasure to the one he loves as anything but an act of pure joy. 

Felix allowing Dimitri to touch him like this, more intimately than anyone else has and for the pure goal of pleasure, is such a gift that Dimitri does not truly know how to best accept it. He can only give himself over to his lover in every way he can, and treasure these moments. 

Felix is red all the way to his ears, eyes closed and brow furrowed, making soft desperate noises that spread warmth through Dimitri’s entire body. One of Felix’s beautiful delicate hands in twisted in Dimitri’s hair, just shy of painful, and the other gripping at his shoulder, flexing with the waves of pleasure. His thighs tighten and tremble against Dimitri’s waist, knees jerking slightly as Felix arches his back and whimpers. Felix is all soft skin and wet heat in one hand and firm tensed muscle in the other - with one hand Dimitri seeks to bring Felix apart, and the other to hold him together. The physical sensations still pale in comparison to the visage before him, upon which Dimitri can only gaze, transfixed as if by magic. 

Dimitri is in love, he is able to express his love as he desires, and the one he loves enjoys it and takes pleasure in reciprocating. It is a reality Dimitri could never have even dreamed of, maybe once as a child, before his world narrowed down to the pursuit of revenge and nothing else.

The revelation that his affections were reciprocated was startling enough, their budding relationship terrifying and wondrous all at once - but it paled in comparison to the last few weeks. Even Felix’s halting, furious confession all those months ago - life altering though it had been - was nothing compared to the little confessions Felix granted him every day now. 

Dimitri had been in love with Felix for so long, had even indulged in the concept of Felix returning his love - but he was never quite able to imagine just how Felix would return it. Certainly not with the unabashed enthusiasm of their childhood. 

The first few months of their relationship had been dominated by alternating bouts of restraint and desperation. Chaste kisses or whirlwind passion discarded the next day for polite distance. But the past few weeks had been different, nothing like he could have ever guessed. 

The sincerity and sweetness of Felix’s actions left him breathless. Every gentle caress, every fond look or brush of lips against his own - it made something well up inside him, sometimes bringing tears to his eyes later in the day in the quiet peace of his study. It took him a while to piece it together, why he could be undone by such simple affection both in the level of its tenderness and its frequency when they had already experienced each other in far more intimate ways. 

It was this night, below a sky filled with stars, that Dimitri had realized that the warmth of Felix’s hand clasped in his own dispelled the night’s spring chill because he felt _loved_. It was so simple and yet so startling. Felix’s ability to weave their love so naturally into each other’s lives, as he had so tirelessly worked towards these past few weeks, was overwhelming. When Felix had greeted him with a kiss in front of everyone this morning… Felix’s nerves had been palpable, obvious in the speed of his steps and the way he trembled tucked into Dimitri’s side. But his happiness drowned out any nervousness. Felix putting aside his any fear or shame he might hold regarding their relationship, any desire to keep it hidden out of fear of judgement or its possible demise, to perform a simple act of love because he wanted to - and because he knew it would bring Dimitri joy… It was love, in its purest quietest form, omnipresent and unconditional. And Dimitri never could have even imagined it. 

But as Felix’s settles, breathing ragged and hand pawing and tangling deeper into Dimitri’s hair, Dimitri realizes it doesn’t matter if he never thought of it before, it is his dream now. All of these little moments of light that define his life now, these are his dreams. 

It is a minute before Felix collects himself, a quick swipe of his pink tongue against his bottom lip he gnawed raw and fluttering of his lashes. If possible, his flush deepens when he makes eye contact with Dimitri and arrives at the easy conclusion that his lover had not taken his eyes off him throughout this whole affair.

“Like what you see?”

Flustered as Felix is, what is intended to be a snide remark comes across almost vulnerable, a tinge of embarrassment and something just shy of wonder in his tone. 

Dimitri just smiled, soft and tremulous, and brought their foreheads together, not breaking eye contact for a second. Felix’s breath hitches and he instinctively tightens his grip on Dimitri, ankles locking around Dimitri’s waist and fingers digging in his shoulder. All Felix can see is blue, sky blue, _clear of clouds at midday_\- 

”That would be very much an understatement. Thank you, Felix.”

Felix jerks his head back, spluttering, and it’s only thanks to Dimitri’s quick reflexes that Felix doesn’t bash his head on the marble. Dimitri’s smile is terribly fond now, unashamed and blinding. Felix tumbles out of his grip, tugging his clothing back together and rights himself in record time. In fact, he’d seemed to do a pretty good job of collecting himself until he glanced back up at Dimitri and found his lover cleaning off the hand he had used to get Felix off not just moments ago. Cleaning it with _ his mouth _. 

Felix made another quite embarrassing noise, but Dimitri just hummed around his fingers, finishing off with a pop and a grin. Dimitri was _so happy_ he couldn’t stop smiling, and Felix’s obvious distress at the whole situation just sweetened everything. Flustering Felix, truly throwing him off kilter by demonstrating how much Dimitri loved him... Never would he pass off an opportunity to show off his love, and poor Felix got overwhelmed endearingly easily. 

But one of the reasons why Dimitri fell in love with Felix, why he can allow himself to give his everything over to this one man, is because Felix always gives as good as he gets - and is determined to do even better. Nothing demonstrated that more than the past few weeks. 

He remembers this, dazedly, as Felix closes the space between them and drags Dimitri down to his height - framing Dimitri’s startled face with those delicate fingers he loves so much. The kiss is filthy and biting, but each press of teeth is accompanied by a soothing brush of tongue, every gasp of breath swallowed down sweetly, every moan met with company. After Felix has had his say with Dimitri’s lips, he does it with his own words, softly with not a centimeter between them, eyes unblinking. 

“I love you, Dima.”

Dimitri smiles and brushes one more soft kiss to Felix’s lips, watching his lashes flutter and hearing his breathing ease. 

“I know. And I love you.” 

**Author's Note:**

> Ta! Da! Whiney shivery messy Felix. What can compare? Nothing. /Literally/ nothing. 
> 
> I don't like how the structure of this ended up but I was just so sick of fucking with it I gave up. I hope it didn't bother anyone too much. I fully believe that they become as tactile as they used to be as children and it's really embarrassing. It takes a while, but eventually they just all up in each other's space and sitting in each other's laps and feeding each other during breakfast ugh. Fucking disgusting. 
> 
> ANYWAY! Thank you for reading, please feed me comments like Felix feeds Dimitri physical contact and emotional support. 
> 
> Oh also, I'm @cntrlvaneau on twitter if you wanna come yell with me about fraldardydddaydydddyd. And the other works in this series are just as sappy and horny as this one. it's my expertise.


End file.
